IKEA in Beijing

How does one describe the Beijing IKEA experience to someone who has never gone through it? Let me try in bullet points:-

  • Half of Beijing crammed into one building – CHECK
  • Peripheral vision challenged masses – CHECK
  • People who walk at half a mile a fortnight (two weeks for my non-UK friends) – CHECK
  • People who allow their screaming kids to run riot through slow-moving clientele – CHECK
  • Annoying kids who you’d swear have never been taken out in public before – CHECK
  • People who don’t understand IKEA is a furniture store – CHECK
  • People who think IKEA is where you can go and take a nap – CHECK
  • People who stop and pose for the (non-existent) camera, and run their fingers through their hair as if anyone else gave a damn – CHECK
  • People who bang their carts into the back of your heels – CHECK
  • People who load up their carts with literally a whole consignment of apple corers – CHECK
  • People who drop off their aged parents in the bedroom department, tuck them into a display bed, and leave them to snore away while they do all of the above things at their leisure – CHECK (Follow this link for various pieces of photographic evidence!)
  • People who do all of the above things, and then buy 1 item – CHECK
  • Disgruntled luo wei (foreign devil) who could have hurt a few people for doing all of the above, but to her credit didn’t – CHECK
  • Fake IKEA people trying to get you to hire them to deliver your goods to your house, and then get chased out by security – CHECK
  • Real IKEA security looking at said foreign devil as if it was her fault they had to run after some miscreants – CHECK
  • Taxi drivers trying to charge three times the amount for a very short taxi ride – CHECK

Ask me why I don’t go to IKEA very often.

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