Alarm Cat

It was peaceful. The room was filled with the gentle sounds of the night, and the whisper of a breeze drifted over her bare legs and arms. Readjusting the position of her laptop, she looked down from the bed where she was reading and drinking tea, to see her beloved alarm cat going off.

Joey The Cat was pointing to attention. He had his back to her, his tail rigid and straight out behind him, and his nose inches away from the floor of the open closet. He was making occasional ‘HMM!’ noises, punctuated by stamping and slashing movements with his left front claw. Although his whole body betrayed tension, there was no indication that whatever he was presently dominating was of any great consequence. More like entertainment.

She silently slid off the bed and peered over his head to see a UCT (Unidentified Crawling Thing) wildly wiggling its many legs in an effort to try to escape. Joey looked over his shoulder at her, and gently miaowed to her. “I got this,” he seemed to say, before returning his attention to the desperately fleeing creature. She went and gingerly sat back on the edge of the bed, toes well away from the floor.

In a way that only hunting felines can, Joey toyed with the UCT, lifting it with his razor sharp claws, and tossing it around the Ikea rug, dominating and showing the UCT exactly the fatal mistake it had made by crossing the “NO UCT ZONE” boundaries.

After not very long, Joey jumped up on the bed, padded over to her knee and rubbed his cheek against it. After having received a congratulatory rub of the ears, he smiled and flopped down by her feet, feeling satisfied with a job well done.

She looked down at the carnage on the rug. The carcass was so dismembered that identification would have to be done via dental records. Not really caring enough to begin the process, she scooped up the remains with a tissue – in the absence of a body bag, and commended the dismembered carcass to a watery grave. She lay back down again, feeling safe in the knowledge that her alarm cat would take care of any UCT business while she slept.


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